Sometimes When We Touch
by MRACR
Summary: ...the honesty's too much. Songfic, oneshot, Fang's POV. He's got to figure out this thing with Max before it tears them both apart...


**_Ok, so 1. I suck at songfics, and 2. I suck at Fang's POV. But, I've known that a songfic needed to be written to this song since I first heard it. So, I wrote most of this at like 3 in the morning as is my custom, so it's mostly inner dialogue there at the end, sorry about that. It comes from most of my introverted life being inner dialogue. Easier to write, see. This is the worst songfic I've done. Oh, wait, not quite. "Broken Road" is. You should really read it if you want to read the ultimate songfic. It has a billion songs, and it's not even that long. It's entirely ridiculous. The ultimate MRACR fic LOL that is so me, I'm so crazy just like that._**

**_But anyways, back to this one. It's really not that great, I'm sorry y'all, but I don't have time to make it great. Not if the few people who read my ongoing fics ever want me to update. Lol. So, please read and enjoy and review! Especially review!!! Please!_**

**_Disclaimer: Whoa, people, hold up. What do I need a disclaimer for? I DO own MR. Because I own JP. Don't tell anyone of authority, but I kidnapped him. He's tied up in the shed right now. I'm the one actually writing MR4. See, he wasn't going to put any more FAXness in it, and I just couldn't let that happen..._**

**_I'm writing fanfiction as an alibi..._**

* * *

Sometimes When We Touch

"Hey, Fang?" Max asked. I jumped, but only inwardly.

This was my watch, what was she doing up?

"Yeah," I said. Ah, eloquence.

"I'll take over. Get some sleep. I can't, so I'll take watch."

"Since when?" I asked, incredulous. "We're on the run, exhausting ourselves daily, and you _can't_ sleep? What, too tired?"

"No," she rolled her eyes, "too much on my mind."

"The Voice?"

"Yeah." Hah, liar. I can usually tell with Max, great liar though she is. But the look she gave me told me to drop it. As if.

"Spill," I said, scooting closer to where she'd propped herself against a tree. "I mean it."

"What, now you can't sleep?" she said snidely.

I just sat in silence.

"Listen, Fang…" Max trailed off before she finished what was obviously an order to go to sleep. Then something about her voice changed. "Fang…"

I looked up. Even in the dark I could tell there was something glistening in the very corners of her eyes. _Jeez, Max, if it's bothering you that badly, just spit it out,_ I mentally urged her.

_**You ask me if I love you  
And I choke on my reply  
Id rather hurt you honestly  
Than mislead you with a lie**_

"Fang, when you, uh, kissed me…" _Oh, crap. Not this._ "Did you mean it? Really mean it? Or was it just one friend to another, comfort, 'helping me change my mind'?"

She stared into my eyes, and I didn't know what to do. "In other words, you dense clunkhead, do you love me _like that_, or not?" she said half-snidely, but her voice was shaking.

"I—I," I started. _Well do I?_

I wasn't sure. I'd lived with her all my life, and we'd always been there for each other. But that described the entire flock. I'd been jealous over her, I'd shared glances with her, I'd even kissed her. But did I actually love her? I'd kissed other girls, I had fangirls on my blog. Was I ready to make some sort of…commitment to Max, apart from our neverending bond through the flock?

"I…" I what? _I what?_ I was screaming into my head. I knew she wanted me to say "yes" but I also knew she wanted the truth. I couldn't mislead her and say "yes." Not yet. I still didn't know.

_I don't __know, _I thought, _not yet_, but my mouth didn't get the words out in time. Max stood without another sound, walking off into the night.

She thought I was trying to say no.

_**And who am I to judge you  
In what you say or do  
I'm only just beginning  
To see the real you**_

The next two days were pure hell. We didn't share a glance, a grin, even a word. I tried. I tried to go up to her, to tell her what I hadn't that night. That I didn't know, that I wanted to find out. But she ignored me. The flock knew something was up, but they stayed out of it.

Still, I couldn't blame her. How could I, when I was the indecisive one?

It had only been since the flock reunited that I'd started to see Max in a different light. I'd always known how powerful she was, how graceful. I'd always been there for her. And apparently she'd noticed the bond between us before I had.

"Fang!" I heard Nudge's cry and in a second dove down out of the sky, arrowing toward Max. She was clutching her head, but it didn't seem like a brain attack—she was only clutching one side of her head.

I caught her, wrapping my arms around her, crushing her wings between us. My own wings spread and I managed to land us both without crashing.

_**And sometimes when we touch  
The honesty's too much  
And I have to close my eyes and hide  
I want to hold you till I die  
Till we both break down and cry  
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides**_

I could tell just from the tension in her shoulders, the set of her jaw, that she was in more pain than she'd let on, that she was barely conscious, that it was definitely not a brain attack.

When the flock landed, I signaled Iggy to come over. I hadn't found anything terribly wrong with Max's head once I finally got her to move her hands away from it.

"Something hit her," he said. "Fairly big, whatever it was. No fractures, just a huge bruise and a lump. She'll pull through. More's the pity," he muttered, walking back to the flock to start setting up camp. They'd all been on edge with this rift between me and Max, and I saw Nudge aim a pinecone at Iggy's head when he repeated that to them.

So, a massive headache but no permanent damage. She was no longer conscious, though. All I could do for her now was hold her. I pulled her further into my lap and buried my face in her shoulder. God, Max was so strong. And something like this, some aerial attack, could bring her down in an instant.

And if it happened again? If it proved fatal? What would I do?

I held her closer, never wanting to let her go. Just for a moment, I felt like if I never let her go, I could protect her from everything that came our way. I wouldn't lose her, I just couldn't. I was…afraid, I realized. Afraid of losing Max, in more ways than one. It was one of the few things I'd ever been truly afraid of. She was already slipping away from me. What if she died before we could figure this thing out?

Tears threatened, but I held them back. Things were so complicated, but they seemed simpler than ever when I was holding Max, here, now. I just wanted to stay like this forever, never letting her go. I wanted to hold her until the fear of losing her stopped.

But as I held her and rocked, nearly forgetting about the rest of the flock which had eaten and gone to sleep by now, leaving Iggy on watch as night fell, I knew this moment couldn't last forever.

_**Romance and all its strategy  
Leaves me battling with my pride  
But through all the insecurity  
Some tenderness survives**_

"Fang?" Max's sweet voice said, close to my ear. It was the first thing she'd said specifically to me in over two days.

I pulled back, my hands still on her shoulders, her still in my lap, and looked at her face, still tear-stained from when she'd been falling out of the sky.

I'd been holding her, half-crushing her against me, rocking. If she still thought I didn't love her, if she was still upset with me, this could get really awkward.

Max bit back whatever she was about to spat at me angrily as she looked into my eyes, slightly wet with unshed tears. "Fang, what happened?" she asked simply.

"You were hit by something," I said, relieved that she was putting it off, if only for a moment. "Probably attacked. Something big, but we're not sure what."

"And you caught me." It was a statement.

"Of course," I said automatically. "I mean, how could I let our leader plummet to the ground and die just because she refused to talk to me?" I tried to correct myself, apparently trying to hide the love I'd felt a minute before, but it just ended up with me sounding like an idiot. I'd never live this down.

God, couldn't I get this right? Why couldn't I just say it? After this incident, I knew what Max meant to me. But I just couldn't bring myself to say it. _What's wrong with me?_

Max's eyes misted over but she blinked and when they came back into view they were cold, hard, unreadable. It was her way of covering up her emotions.

Just one blink away.

"Please let me up, I need to check on my flock," she said stiffly, slight emphasis on "my" making me wince slightly.

_I'm an idiot. I think I just blew whatever renewed chance I had._

She hadn't turned away, but wouldn't meet my eyes. I reached out a hand and lightly brushed a lock of her hair away from her face. My hand hovered lightly over the raised area near her temple, not quite touching it.

Max's softening gaze finally met mine as I whispered, "Ok, but take it easy."

Shooting me an unreadable glance, she got up almost reluctantly and went to see to the flock.

_**I**__**'m just another writer  
Still trapped within my truth  
A hesitant prize fighter  
Still trapped within my youth**_

A little while later she fell asleep, hugging a very relieved Nudge. I sat up on watch, trying to actually _watch_ more than Max.

After a few failed attempts, I brought out the Itex laptop that I'd pretty much claimed as mine. I was even more confused than before—maybe I could get some help from the people who read my blog. I wasn't one much for asking advice, but it is so much easier to online. And I needed to do something before I really screwed this up.

The next morning, as we flew in silence, not too awkward but not entirely comfortable, the rest of the flock's pleasant banter surrounding us, I thought about what I'd written on my blog. I hadn't meant to, but I'd practically spilled my gut to whatever random people decided to read the entry.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, I knew Max didn't read my blog. How? It never left my sight.

"What're you thinking about?" Max asked, attempting casualness.

The word "you" sprang to mind and inwardly I smirked at how cheesy it sounded.

"My blog, for one," I answered her truthfully.

The sky was cloud-free, we could see for miles.

"The freaking amazing view we get as avian hybrids, for another."

At that she smiled and we resumed our silence.

A few people had answered me right away. Someone said that man, was I deep for just a 14-year-old, part-avian or not. Really? Huh, must be all the horrible stuff I've been through, you think, maybe the torture, the experimenting? Maybe it even had something to do with my enhanced intelligence and maturity?

A couple said just give it time. They didn't seem to understand that we might not _have_ time.

And one girl said that I should stop being a naïve moron, if that was possible, and stop acting like Max was some delicate prize to be won, and just jump in, if I know how I feel. That made me quirk a smile, it sounded a lot like Max herself.

Maybe that's just what I needed to do. The situation was delicate, but Max wasn't. It seemed like ever since last night some semi-understanding had passed between us, she'd seen that I wasn't saying I didn't love her, I was just saying I didn't quite know. Because I'm a naïve moron, of course.

_**And sometimes when we touch  
The honesty's too much  
And I have to close my eyes and hide  
I want to hold you till I die  
Till we both break down and cry  
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides**_

By nightfall, even with breaks, we'd traveled what felt like half the U.S. We were headed for the opposite coast. Max started the routine of camp setup and left the others to resume.

"But Max, where are you g—"

"Nudge, I need to talk to Fang."

That shut her up.

Whispered yes's and about time's floated to us as Max gestured slightly. I followed.

When she deemed we were far enough away that even Iggy couldn't hear us, she turned around. Her blonde, streaked hair fell into her face and she pushed it aside absently.

"Fang," she started. "I'm sorry."

"I—" _What?!_ Max had just apologized? "What for?" I asked, bewildered.

"For pushing you. For jumping to conclusions." She said simply and I could tell this was hard for her. We're not really the best apologizers in the world.

_**At times I**__**'d like to break you  
And drive you to your knees**_

But I just wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. There'd been far too much of that in our lives. She'd say something, I'd misinterpret it and say something snide, we'd both get riled up, trading insults. Most times she'd win, but sometimes I'd manage to strike a nerve just right and walk away, ignoring the sound of my heart being ripped out, which sounded a lot like Max crying. I didn't want that to happen here.

_**At times I'd like to break through  
And hold you endlessly**_

Problem was, right now I couldn't think of _anything_ to say. So instead I broke our locked gaze as I pulled her into my arms, that open, desperate feeling returning. I needed to be with Max forever, to hold her like this, never let her go, never let her be hurt.

_**At times I understand you  
And I know how hard you try**_

_**I watched while love commands you  
And I've watched love pass you by**_

"Being the leader isn't easy," I whispered, not quite sure where I was going with this. "Being _us_ isn't even easy. But you make life bearable. Heck, Max, you make life as a bird kid on the run from horrible scientists _enjoyable_. It's not your fault and it never was."

She looked up at me, almost bewildered by my words, my touch, the feelings I tried to convey through them. But they were sincere. I needed Max, I loved her. But did I want to be her lover? She'd had one before. Did I want to put the whole flock in danger that way?

At times I think were drifters  
Still searching for a friend  
A brother or a sister  
But then the passion flares again

When I held Max, it was like we could actually understand each other. She saw the confusion in my eyes, felt it through my arms. The lingering doubt, the indecision.

"Fang, we don't have to. I was just…" she stopped whatever she was trying to say, though I wanted her to finish. "We don't have to be anything more than a family." As she spoke, she grew more confident, as if trying to convince herself this was the best option after all.

I'd always been her best friend, and that's what we were. Best friends. That's also what lovers were supposed to be. Did that mean, if I rejected her, she'd start looking for a new best friend? A new right-hand man? Or what?

"You've always been like my brother, just like Iggy and Gazzy," Max was still trying to convince herself.

_Oh, hell with it!_ I directed to all my concerns and doubts and confusion.

Cutting off Max's distant words, I leaned down and crushed her lips against mine. Her mouth was soft, and as her hands slid around my neck our eyes closed, the kiss deepened, I broadcast my decision through our bond.

_**And sometimes when we touch  
The honesty's too much  
And I have to close my eyes and hide  
I want to hold you till I die  
Till we both break down and cry  
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides**_

I hid from all my doubts, my indecision, my fear, banishing them from my mind with each moment that went by.

Finally the two of us had to break the kiss for air, both of us breathing raggedly. I held Max as tight as I could. I knew for certain, I would never let her go. I felt tears of relief, of overwhelming emotion, soak through my sleeve, and answering tears prick my own eyes.

"I love you, Max, and always will."

"Me too," Max whispered in return.

It might have been hours, days, minutes, that I stood there, holding Max. But it didn't matter; everything in the world would be right again, I was sure.

_**I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides**_


End file.
